Sunday 24 November 2013

Someone call for a doctor?

"Well hello there to you! Aren't you looking lovely this morning!? No need to answer that, it was a rhetorical question. To which the answer is a resounding "YES I blimmin' well am". So am I you say? *hold hands against his chest while looking himself up and down* Well thank you. Yes I suppose I am, now you come to mention it. Bow ties are cool you know. I haven't seen you in donkeys years! . . . Incidentally how long is a donkey year? . . . Oh and what year is it at the moment? I was heading for 1992. Great year for music 1992. Snap - Rhythm is a Dancer, Kiss - God Gave Rock and Roll to you 2, Erasure and their Abba-esque EP. Not to mention Supermarioland by The Ambassadors of Funk . . . No? . . . Oh . . . Ok, I won't mention them then. Brilliant song though, so there.

Sorry? What? It's 2013! Oh pants I'm out by a mile! Dam. I think the Navigation system might of got a bit tangled up with the dematerialisation circuit. I hate it when that happens. . . Where's me hammer? . . . I swear I used to have a little hammer hanging around here for just such occurrences. Sorry about this, the place is a bit of mess at the moment. What day did you say it was by the way? Oh. You didn't. I haven't asked you that yet have I? Sorry. I can be very confusing when you've just have a great big dinner somewhere and all of a sudden it's now breakfast time. Oh! it IS breakfast time! I love breakfast. In fact that's one of the best things about having a time machine. You never have to wait to have breakfast. Got any bacon? I love that stuff, I mean who doesn't love bacon ay? Tell you what, there's an awful lot of intergalactic wars that could of been avoided if they could of had a bacon butty. Can't believe of all the millions upon billions of worlds in this universe, it's only the Earth that has pigs, and so has bacon! So unfair.

Oh it Monday is it!? Tuh that's rubbish that is. What can you do with a Monday. Aside from have a bacon butty, obviously. I'll tell you shall I? The best thing you can do with a Monday morning is just skip it and travel straight to a Friday afternoon! Come on then, come in, with me. Chop chop! . . . Ooo now I fancy a chop. Hmmm I big thick chop smothered in brown sauce. Have you got any brown sauce? No, you're rubbish! Perhaps we could aim for somewhere around Friday dinner time. Someone is bound to having chops somewhere on Firday. Right then tally ho and off we go then.
Ahh there's my hammer!"

*Insert sound of Tardis dematerialising here*

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