Growing up, my mum (probably like quite a few mums) used to say to me “If you haven’t got anything nice to say then don’t say anything.” I guess the world would be a much nicer place if we all did that, but we don’t. All too often conversations start with “Oh you won’t believe what so and so said/did!”. Of course it's all the worse when 'so and so' happens to be us, and what's being said is flagging up mistakes we may have made or things we've said in the heat of the moment. I suppose the trouble is, in todays world of social media, the problems of people saying down right hurtful things has probably multiplied exponentially.
Hurtful words, no matter the reasons for using them, cause low self-esteem and damage our self-confidence. Words are very powerful and can be devastating when they are used to deliberately hurt someone and it doesn't just have to be said face-to-face these days either. The words we speak or write down in a text or post on the internet, can have a huge affect not only on us, but on everyone who see them.
It is important to realise the massive effect words can have on us. How often do we hear the phrases: “I was only joking!” or: “Look, I don't mean any offence, but . . .” or the classic: “I didn’t MEAN it!” or of course the best one: "Look, it was just the heat of the moment". The thing is whether we mean it or not, if things are said often enough they can change the very nature of the person they are aimed at and lower their self-esteem and give that person a damaged view of themselves for a very long time to come.
People don’t realise the massive effect that hurtful words can have on others. Hurtful words can cause life long damage and is a major cause of low self-esteem in people, especially if it’s put on them as a child, although just as easily as an adult.
The best way forward if ever it does happen to you, is to forgive the person who said/wrote it. Through whatever insecurities they have they thoughtlessly said something horrible to you, to try and make themselves feel better about themself. So just forgive them and move on with your life. If it really hurt you, the quicker you begin to repair the damage to yourself he better.
Low self-esteem is basically caused by the negative thoughts that we have about ourselves. To overcome low self esteem, is a very long process but we must at least try to change these negative thoughts to positive ones. The first step in doing this is by changing the way we talk to ourselves. We must try to stop all of the negative self talk for a start, as it's only going to do more damage. So try replacing your negative self talk with something more positive.
When you find yourself thinking something negative about yourself (such as – I'm stupid, I'm fat or I’m ugly or utterly useless), replace it with a positive stuff (such as – 'If I look at it, I actually have a great life' or: 'most of the time I’m fairly happy' or more importantly: 'there are quite a few people who actually love me). Sit down and figure out a few positive thoughts that would make you feel better and give your self-esteem that little boost it needs. Eventually your subconscious mind will believe them to be true. Even if it may take a little while to achieve it.
The trouble with hurtful words apart from causing us to feel sad, is they can also result in resentment and anger. With these negative emotions ruling the roost, we are living in misery and setting ourselves up for a fall instead of enjoying life. Sure there may well be times if life when we have no choice but to say something to someone that we know is gonna hurt their pride and knock them down a few pegs; but if we can balance it out by saying something positive at the same time it often softens the blow and doesn't leave that person feeling utterly crushed.
In truth, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks, your self esteem is all about what you think about yourself. So don't dwell on the negative thoughts, turn these around to positive ones. Try as hard as possible to be the most positive person you can be.
Be kind to everyone you meet and alway try to give someone, even if you’ve heard bad things about them from someone else the benefit of the doubt before you treat them in any other way. It's a fact that when we’re nice to someone we boost our own self-esteem along with theirs.
If someone is constantly negative about other people just do your best to try and avoid them! The trouble is, attitudes are contagious – so try and be around people with good attitudes. As this can also raise your own self-esteem too. Somebody a lot wiser than me once said, If we turn our face to the sun, all our shadows fall behind us.
Let’s face it, we could all do with a bigger slice of self esteem at times. Especially at those time's when we feel like it's been stamped on by someone else. At the end of the day it always feels good to feel good.
So I guess mum was right, it IS always better to look at other people’s positives and try to build someone up to feel good about themselves, rather than focusing on their negatives and trying to knock them down.
Do look after yourself, and each other.
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