Thursday 31 December 2015

Look to the future now . . .

Although the final bars of Slade's Christmas tune are barely audible now as they now disappear into the distance, the message it sends is ringing loud and clear: 'Look to the future now, it's only just beguuuuuuuuuuuun'.

Yes, the Christmas sleigh bells are fading over the horizon, but the clanging chimes of the brand new year are getting ready to bong. But the real question is, are we?

It's the point in the year where we all make promises to ourselves and call them resolutions. But why do we do it? Are we so unhappy with ourselves that we are desperate to find a brand new us? Or rediscover a long-forgotten us? New Year resolutions has become more of a tradition than a true reflection of what we actually want. 

The trouble is, most of us still don’t really know what we do want in life. I'm 42 years old and still not really sure I'm doing this whole life thing right. A lot of us go steaming into New Years and end up making resolutions about the 'wrong' things, the things that don't really change anything and so make us feel like our lives haven't gone anywhere in the course of another passing year.

There's nothing wrong in wanting to make positive changes of course, but rather than making them New Year resolutions, why not make them just stuff to try and achieve over the course of the year. Don't give yourself barriers to jump over, just so you can hate yourself if things don't work out.

My advice? Just try some of these, not as resolutions, but simply as 'reminders' of something to have a go at:

Do Something Unexpected
The catch here is to do something you are proud to tell your children about, (so you can stop that thought right away!). It might just be something as simple as trying that food with the names you can't pronounce. Or just trying to make amends with family or friends that you have had run-ins with. Let's not forget that one of the greatest pleasures in life is doing what people say you can't do!

Be Human Again
It is quite normal these days to spend more time with your gadgets than with people. There are side effects from this but there are also plenty of ways to regain control. This item has to do with reconnecting with your emotions, your humanity. You could even try a total tech de-tox for a week!

Show Gratitude
There is kindness in the world, and it can come from the strangest of places, even though we are told not to expect it. The important thing is that when you are in the presence of an act of kindness, participate, extend it or if you are on the receiving end, appreciate it.

Forgive
Life is too short to hold a grudge. Go into 2016 feeling positive about other people, as well as yourself.

Find A Reason To Be Happy
Because that’s all we ever want really, isn’t it? We want a reason to be happy, yet instead of aiming for that, we choose to ignore it, because our happiness isn't important. We strive to keep everyone else happy and put our needs to the bottom of the pile. Well don't! You deserve a big slice of happy too – We all do!

So, if you do make a resolution today, make it to avoid the word 'resolution' altogether. Instead, use the word 'reminder' for the coming new year. Don’t fall into that same trap again. Make the coming new year a different one, a happy one, and one you can look back on and smile.

So rip up that wish list, burn those same old resolutions, and just strive to be the best you, you can be. You might well find that you're a pretty good you just as you are.

Happy 2016 people, let's make this one count.

Sunday 13 December 2015

Working while it's Christmas Everywhere.

Phone still rings
Are you listening
On the line
Clients are grizzling
Not a snowflake in sight,
It just don't feel right,
Working while it's Christmas everywhere.

Gone away, is our shirk mode,
Here to stay, a massive workload
So we'll sing this song,
As we carry on
Working while it's Christmas everywhere.

There's no time to go and build a snowman
And every face you meet just wears a frown
You'll ask for a bonus
They'll say 'No Man'
'Just go and do your job and knuckle down'.

Later on
We'll perspire
As we try to not be fired
There's things to be made
So we can get paid
For working while it's Christmas everywhere.

Phone still rings
Are you listening
On the line
More clients grizzling
Still no snowflake in sight,
So far Christmas is shite
Working while it's Christmas everywhere.

Gone away, is our shirk mode,
Here to stay, a massive workload
So we'll sing this song,
As we carry on 
Working while it's Christmas everywhere.

Not long now before its time to go man
Just pretend its now so you don't drown
Then it's time for fun, maybe a Snowman?
When Christmas starts and work has to shut down

Not long now
ain't it thrilling
We'll be home, happy and chillin'
We'll frolic and play, then we'll all say
It's awesome that it's Christmas everywhere.

Wednesday 25 November 2015

Idleness is a virtue

We're busy doing nothing,
Working the whole day through.
trying to find lots of things not to do,
We're busy going nowhere,
Isn't it just a crime?
We'd like to be unhappy,
But,
We never do have the time.

So the song says, and who are we to argue with those lyrics. Although as it turns out, it makes a very good point!

Do you ever feel like you're constantly chasing your tail, or that time is running away with you. Which would be lovely if it decided to run away to the Bahamas, but sadly we normally remain under our anticyclonic gloom filled skies. Wouldn't it be nice if we all had a little more time to do the things we want, or more importantly, to do nothing at all.

"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want", is a quote is from Calvin and Hobbes creator Bill Watterson. Who was basically reminding us that sometimes it's best to do nothing at all. The trouble is we're all so busy, and when we're not busy, we're filling our time with other things to do that keep us busy. It's like we're addicted to tasks! Then if we don't do them, we end up feeling guilty about not being busy. 

Well I'm here to tell you to stop feeling guilty about it. Enjoy those down times when you're scratching around for something to do. Make the most of any and all moments nothingness. Savour the slothfulness and languish in the languorousness. You deserve some down time – we all do! In fact we actually need it!

I'm not suggesting that we all just start slacking off and just stay in bed all day, but 'nothing time' is almost as important to your brain's health as sleeping is. Pondering and procrastinating, and embracing all your day dreams all help your brain to function. Scientists and people far brainier than me have proven that mentally switching off actually helps you understand decisions better. You learn things quicker. You even become more creative and our productivity gets better. It improves our heart rate and can actually improve our bodies function of fighting illness. As it turns out, neuroscientists are now saying that always busying ourselves with something actually diminishes the quality of our lives. 

We can't all be inactive all the time sadly, but it certainly should be an item on our 'to-do' list that we seem to be losing touch with. You don’t have to become a monk or go on a retreat where you sit in isolation in a room and meditate for months in order to reap the benefits of doing nothing. You only need to silence your mind, and devote yourself to idleness, for just five to ten minutes a day. Preferably a few times throughout the day. 

Like all things, it's about balance of course, but the next time you're sitting at the bus stop, maybe leave your phone in your pocket. Take a walk without plugging in headphones now and again. Or just lay back on the sofa and procrastinate away to your hearts content. A lot of things in life happen at warp speed these days and if you don't slow down once in a while and stop to look around, you just might miss something wonderful. 

Do look after yourself, and each other.

Wednesday 18 November 2015

Hello . . .

Not many people know that Adele's number one Hello, was originally inspired by a telephone conversation she had to her home town months before. So below is the original lyrics she penned to her hit before changing them to something more marketable.

[Good morning! Greggs, Tottenham High Street.
How can I help you?...]
------
Hello, it's me,
Tummys rumbling after all these years now I'd like some meat,
To go order, everything
They say this time I'm thinner cos I ain't done much eatin'

Hello, can you hear me?
I'm in California dreaming 'bout the pies I used to eat,
When I was younger and free
I'd forgotten how it felt before when I could see my feet.

There's such a distance between us
About a million miles.

Hello send another pie,
Sausage rolls or curry slice
I need food, I'm hungry, for everything that you've done
But when I call you never send me iced buns.

Hello send another pie
At least something that has been fried
I know you, will tell me, it's bad for my heart
But it don't matter, my BMI is way off the chart
Send me more.

Hello, how are you?
It's so typical of me to think about my food, I'm sorry
I hope you're stocked well
Still waiting for something from Tottenham town but nothing yet has happened.

It's no secret that the local bus
has an arse the size of mine

So hello send another pie
Your pasties and your bakes I'll buy
I need food I'm hungry for everything that you've done
But when I call, you never, send me current buns.

Hello send another pie
A Belgian bun and Christmas slice
I won't tell you, I'm sorry, for risking my heart
Send me a platter, but don't be downwind when I fart
I need more, ooooohh
I need more, ooooohh
I need more, ooooohh
I need more, I need more

Hello send another pie
A baguette filled with chicken thigh
I need food, I'm hungry, for everything that you've done
But when I call you never send me cream buns.

Hello send another pie
There must something I've not tried?
I need food, I'm sorry, do you have treacle tart?
Cos it don't matter, my diets gonna have to restart
I need more.

Sunday 15 November 2015

Father Ed

It's mid-morning on Monday, and a lone figure leans into the wind holding a small suitcase against his chest to protect him from the elements. Wearing a yellow storm proof coat and trousers with matching sowester hat, they try to not trip over stray sheep as they make their way towards the grey, rain-soaked, hurricane battered walls of Craggy Islands Presbytery.

Inside, Father Dougal McGuire is kneeling the wrong way on a moth-eaten arm chair with his hands resting on its back as he stares, with the kind of open mouthed excitement that is normally only associated with a highly strung labrador, out the grubby front room window.

“Oh my God, I can see him! He's coming!” Dougal squeaked with unbridled glee as he bounced on his knees on the badly sprung seat. 

“Quick everyone, get ready, he's coming up the path!” He continued in a near squeal, as he leapt from the seat and repeatedly bounced on the spot.

Mrs Doyle rolled her eyes, tutted and shook her head as she shuffled out of the room and headed towards the kitchen. While on the other side of the small front room, Father Jack Hackett stopped snoring with an abrupt snort from his stained chair, opened one bloodshot, crazed eye and let out a guttural growl, before closing it again and continuing his loud sleep. 

Dougal was still bouncing with his fists clenched and his eyes tightly closed as the doorbell rang and he shot off like an over-enthusiastic toddler towards the front door.

“Ah hello there Father,” The stranger loudly announced as the door swung inwards and the tempest outside continued to batter his drenched features, “you must be Father McGuire?”

Dougal said nothing, just continued to stare directly at the sodden Priest with the same open-mouthed glee that had been on his face since he'd awoken that morning in his Iron Man pyjamas.

“I'm Father Edward McGuinness,” The stranger continued, bellowing above the roar of the untamed wind, and holding out his hand to be shook, “I'm the new Priest in residence here, may I come in at all?”

Again, Dougal continued to say absolutely nothing for what seemed an ice-age as he studied every inch of Father Edward's face, before he looked down at Father Edwards hand and slapped it with his own.

“What you standing out there for Ted!?” Dougal suddenly blurted, with a look complete confusion, “You'll catch your death out there. Come on inside, and I'll go get the Ker-Plunk from my room.”

Father Edward looked concerned, but nevertheless, after removing his bright, rainproof attire and placing his suitcase in the hallway, he followed Dougal into the front room.

“No Father Dougal, I'm Father Edward, Father Edward McGuinness,” he tried to explain, “but you can call me 'Ed' if you like?”

“Where have you been Ted, you've been gone ages!” Dougal said shaking his head, “You had us all worried there for minute.”

“No Dougal, I'm Father Edward! Father Ted died some 17 years ago, don't you remember going to his funeral?”

“Oh yeah!” Dougal replied, with a knowing nod, “That was brilliant Ted! How did you manage to do all that?” He then leant in with a conspiratorial whisper and added, “You know I think Mrs Doyle actually believed it, she was crying and everything! But then she is very stupid, not like us ay Ted!”

Father Edward shook his head, wondering what he had to say, before Dougal piped up once more.

“Have you died your hair there Ted? I think I preferred it grey meself.”

“No Dougal,” Father Edward said as he tried to slowly explain, “this is my hair. I have brown hair. Father Ted had grey hair, but Father Ted is dead Dougal.”

“Oh right you are then, Ted.” Dougal said tapping the side of his nose and theatrically winking. “I'll tell you one thing though Ted, I'm never playing hide and seek with you again. You just take it way too far!

It was then Mrs Doyle came shaking through the doorway carrying a fine china, cup of tea on a silver tray. 

“Ah, you must be Mrs Doyle!” Father Edward brightly said as he rushed towards her holding out his hand, “I'm Father Edward, but you can call me Ed if you like.”

Mrs Doyle stood motionless glaring at him, looking him up and down as she screwed up her face.

“No, I don't think so.” she finally said after shaking her head.

“I'm sorry?” Father Edward said feeling even more confused, then looking down at the tray Mrs Doyle was carrying, added, “Ah, is that cup of tea there for me Mrs Doyle?”

Mrs Doyle looked completely affronted, and turned the tray away from Father Edward.

“No, it certainly is not!” She said before turning on the spot and shuffling back towards the hallway.

She muttered as she left the room, although her muttering was done at volume that everyone could hear.

“Coming round here wearing his provocative cardigans, acting like some sex-crazed Casanova, with his 'oh you can call me Ed if you like'! Who does he think he is!? What's wrong with a nice long name like Ted – THE BASTARD!”

Father Edward stood confused in the front room, as he looked across at Dougal still full of wonder, and noticed Father Jack was stirring. Maybe he needed a rousing speech to get everyone on side. 

“Well, everyone,” he said clapping his hands, “it's a Monday. It's the start of a new week. A new chapter in all of our lives. So let's make it a grand one ay. What do ya say?”

Father Jack snarled as he open both his eyes, and grabbed the armrests of his chair before bellowing,
“FECK OFF MONDAY.”

Thursday 29 October 2015

How to happy.

Daft punk were staying up all night to get it. Pharrell was it! Bobby McFerrin told us not to worry and to just be it. And the, surprisingly still not late, great Ken Dodd told us, it was the greatest gift that we can possess. But just how easy is it to find our fair share of happiness?

It's such a simple little word, but it means SO much to the way we view our lives. We actually measure our well being by how much time we spend just being happy. And it's not always easy to achieve in the general humdrum of our daily grind. So what is the secret?

Well the truth is, there isn't one. There's no magic formula we can all do to find our happy because everyone's view of being happy is triggered by different things. To some it's just spending time with loved ones. To others it might mean getting the latest gadget or a must have pair of shoes. Or it might just mean getting the chance to do nothing at all.

I recently watched 'Hector and his Search for Happiness', a Simon Pegg film based on a book by Francois Lelord. It's about a psychiatrist who goes in search for the meaning of happiness initially so he can help his patients find it it. During the course of the film he jots down little facts taken from the people he meets along his journey, about their views of happiness. Here's just a few of them, mixed in with a few of my own:

1. Making comparisons can spoil your happiness.
2. Happiness often comes when least expected.
3. Many people only seem to see happiness in their future.
4. Many people think happiness comes from having more power or more money – they are generally not happy people.
5. Sometimes happiness is not knowing the whole story.
6. It’s a mistake to think that happiness is the goal.
7. Happiness is being with the people you love; unhappiness is being separated from the people you love.
8. Happiness is doing a job you love with people you love doing it with.
9. Happiness is having a home and a garden to sit in.
10. Happiness is feeling useful to others.
11. Happiness is to be loved for exactly who you are.
12. Happiness comes when you feel truly alive.
13. Happiness is knowing how to celebrate properly.
14. Happiness is caring about the happiness of those you love.
15. Happiness is not attaching too much importance to what other people think of you.
16. The sun and the sea make everybody happy.
17. Women care more than men about making others happy.
18. Happiness means making sure that those around you are happy.
19. Happiness is highly contagious.
20. Happiness is spending more time with happy people.

Have an awesome day people – now go chase your happy!

Tuesday 30 June 2015

Found the Summer

[To the tune of The Sound of Silence by Simon & Garfunkle]

Hello sunshine, my old friend,
I've come to walk with you again,
'Cause the weather's gonna be baking,
No rest at night there's no sleeping,
And the umbrella that I keep beside my door
Is used no more
Now that we've found the Summer.

On sun drenched streets I've walked alone
I've burnt my neck just strolling home,
'Neath the sunshine like a heated lamp,
Sweaty bits that leave my clothes all damp
Then my eyes are blinded by the flash of the solar light
This don't feel right
We've actually having Summer.

Want to run naked out the door,
Don't care what people think no more.
At least I won't be over heating,
The sun can just go on beating,
Who needs to book a flight and take to the air
The sunshine's here
So let's all bask in Summer.

Swimming pools that are outdoors
Is not a pipe dream anymore.
Hear the words that I am singing you.
Take my hand that I might lead you.
Not till Thursday will any raindrops fall
So let's have a ball, it's Summer

There are those that bow and pray
That the sunshine's here to stay.
But we know our Summers are fleeting
There's storm clouds we'll be greeting.
And the weathergirl said, that storms are on the cards,
What a bunch of arse

Oh well, I guess that's Summer.

Wednesday 6 May 2015

Peter Snow (to the tune of Let it Go)

Peter Snow should light up the telly tonight
But alas he's not to be seen
Jez Vine was his replacement,
I wanna punch him in the spleen.
I'd whip him with dowelling, his stupid face so snide
Just can't abide him, heaven knows I tried.
Don't let him in, don't let me see
Be the election night you always used to be
Conceal, Vine's spiel, don't let them show
Well, now you know!
Peter Snow, Peter Snow
Can't hold it back anymore
Peter Snow, why'd you go
Turned away and slammed the door!
I don't care
What Vine's got to say
Let my wrath rage on,
The polls never bothered me anyway.
It's funny how his existence
Really seems to get my gall
But the fears of who controls us
Don't get to me at all!
It's time to see who will win through
Or which two chumps will form a crew
Who's right, who's wrong, no clues for me – you see!
Peter Snow, Peter Snow
You're the one we want not Vine
Peter Snow, Peter Snow
Your Swingometer was fine!
That's my stand
And so I'll say
Let's get Snow back on.
The power parties hold their breath in the countdown
Arsehole is spouting his election factuals all around
So one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
Are you ever coming back,
Or is the past just in the past!
Peter Snow, Peter Snow
You were there at the break of dawn
Peter Snow, Peter Snow,
That perfect world has gone!
Here I stand,
On election day
But now Peter's gone,
The polls never bothered me anyway.

Wednesday 29 April 2015

Another year better

Well it looks like another B.E.A.Utiful start to another day out there; and what's more, it's Friday Eve already! I know I'm now another year older, (no wiser of course) and I realise time does appear to pass more quickly the older we get, but this week's been redonkulous. 

Mind you, I also think time may seem to pass quicker, because of our attitude towards it. When we're young, we see our lives stretching out in front of us, and we think we have all the time in the world to experience what it may throw our way. Then as we get older, we become more and more aware of our own mortality, and just how precious life is. 

Now that might sound all doom and gloomy, but it's really not! I think it actually means we appreciate our lives a little more, it means we become more aware of what's important. Which also means, we are less likely to accept any crap that life may try to hurl at us that it tries to get to stick. So if anything the older we get, the freer we feel. 

So really the ageing process, is just the process of working out how to best spend our lives, recognising how important it is, and knowing what matters most.
Do look after yourselves, and each other.

Thursday 2 April 2015

#INCURRED CRIMES



Everybody listen up
Everybody listen up
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey

[Verse 1: Robin Thicke]
If you recognise, what I'm trying to sing
If you think you’ve heard, the very same thing
Maybe you’re going deaf,
Maybe you’re going blind,
Maybe you’re out of your mind
[Pharrell:] Everybody listen up

[Pre-chorus: Robin Thicke]
OK I know it’s close, I tried to duplicate ya
But it’s subliminal, not meant to counterfeit ya
Just let me imitate ya
Hey, hey, hey
I signed no legal papers
Hey, hey, hey
Marvin’s the rythm maker

[Chorus: Robin Thicke]
And that's why I'm gon' take a good tune
You know you know it
I knew you’d like it
I knew you buy it
Cos it’s a good tune
Couldn’t let it get past me
Court heard my lame plea
Then paid the big fee
Now I’ve incurred crimes
I knew you’d want it
I knew you’d like it
I knew you’d buy it
But it’s a good tune
The song just grabbed me
Now I’m Mister Nasty
Go ahead, just sue me
[Pharrell:] Everybody listen up

[Verse 2: Robin Thicke]
What did I make them schemes for?
They ended in the courtroom
What did I choose this theme for?
Wanted to get rich so hide my face!
Feel so unlucky
Hey, hey, hey
Want you to hug me
Hey, hey, hey
Not try to mug me?
Hey, hey, hey

[Pre-chorus: Robin Thicke]
OK I know it’s close, I tried to duplicate ya
But it’s subliminal, not meant to counterfeit ya
Just let me imitate ya
Hey, hey, hey
I signed no legal papers
Hey, hey, hey
Marvin’s the rythm maker
Hey, hey, hey

[Chorus: Robin Thicke]
And that's why I'm gon' take a good tune
I knew you’d want it
I knew you’d like it
I knew you buy it
Cos it’s a good tune
Couldn’t let it get past me
Court heard my lame plea
Then paid the big fee
[Pharrell:] Everybody listen up
Now I’ve incurred crimes
I knew you’d want it
I knew you’d like it
I knew you buy it
But it’s a good tune
The song just grabbed me
Now I’m Mister Nasty
Go ahead, just sue me

[Verse 3: T.I.]
One thing I shoulda asked of you
You shoulda been the ones that I answered to
Nona, and Marvin, and Frankie too
Yeah, his name’s Thicke, but it’s his nature too
So ya picked us up when ought to do
hit me with something big enough to tear our cheque in two
You won, and we tried to act casual
but really it was almost unbearable
Been dead for years not dare, would I
Pull a fast one and let it pass us by
Nothing like Give it Up, it’s too square for you
We got rude and crass and used naked girls and that
So you’d watch and wait for you to salute
But we didn't trick
Now ya’ll jeerin’ can’t refute this hearin'
We’re all nice guys, but didn't get away with it.

[Bridge: Robin Thicke]
Checked the vibe,
Went down,
Fess up
Did I wanna get hurt, like it hurt?
But ya didn’t like my work?

[Pre-chorus: Robin Thicke]
Baby I can’t breathe, from this tune I made ya
I thought it worked for me, now I’m here to tell ya, uh huh
No more pretending
Hey, hey, hey
Court case you’re winning
Hey, hey, hey
There’s no more spinning

[Chorus: Robin Thicke]
I always wanted a good tune
(Pharrell: Everybody listen up)
I knew you’d want it
I knew you’d like it
I knew you buy it
Cos it’s a good tune
Couldn’t let it get past me
Court heard my lame plea
Then paid the big fee
Now I’ve incurred crimes
(Pharrell: Everybody listen up)
I knew you’d want it
I knew you’d like it
I knew you buy it
But it’s a good tune
The song just grabbed me
Now I’m Mister Nasty
Go ahead, just sue me

[Outro: Pharrell]
Everybody paid up
Everybody paid up
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey

Thursday 12 February 2015

Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

As the 1965 hit by The Animals, once said "Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood". I'm sure we all have moments, or indeed massive periods of time when we feel like nobody really understands us, people just don't seem to get how we're feeling! The trouble is, even more of us don't realise how feeling like this can actually lead to a massive bouts of loneliness that doesn’t even go away when you're surrounded by others. Sadly this makes us more determined to hide away from people and creates more of a feeling of not belonging or being liked.
So why do we feel so misunderstood?
Maybe you find it hard to trust others, or worry that if you let someone close they will eventually hurt you? It could be you're afraid of intimacy in general. And yes, even if you are the friendly, outgoing, life and soul of the party this could still be a root issue. Many of us social butterflies are intimacy phobic. Never letting people too close to you, then expecting them to understand you doesn’t work. It’s like expecting someone to bake you a cake but not letting them anywhere near an oven. 
Of course it could just be we're afraid of being judged. If you had a horrible teacher, or an overbearing parent when growing up, you might have been made to feel that you weren’t good enough no matter how hard you tried. This can all lead to you being an adult who hides certain things about yourself in order to not be judged. You might just be cherry picking what bits of you reveal to other people for fear of being judged, so you're not showing them a full picture they can understand.
It might just be that you just don't trust other people. This is a by-product of both a fear of intimacy and a fear of being judged. Although it can also come from a troubled childhood for many emotional reasons. The trouble is most people can see this in people. It's like you wearing a sign saying "I won't let you close, cos I don't trust you", but still we expect them to try.
Maybe you're hoping that if someone else totally understands you, you will then feel better about yourself? Do you sometimes find you change your personality when you'e around different people so you are more like them? We all do it to a certain extent, that's just human nature; but sometimes it can be really dramatic. Codependency is an addiction for approval and validation from others to the point you can lose sight of who you are. And if we don’t know who we are, it’s hard for anyone else to know and understand.
It could be that we're just bad at communicating in general. Perhaps you sometimes agree to things that actually you don’t really believe, out an urge to be polite and accepted (again, a codependent habit). This of course can result in people having the entirely wrong idea about who we really are. It's no wonder we feel misunderstood!
So what do we do about it?
Fear of intimacy and judgement, lack of trust, and codependency are things that we develop from our childhood. So they're obviously not something we can just snap our fingers and change overnight. Of course you could seek professional help, but you don’t have to totally know yourself before you begin to feel more connected to others.
Start examining the way that you talk to people. Do you speak really fast? Constantly throw questions at others so they barely have time to even ask you about yourself? Are you agreeing with things you don’t like, and giving the wrong impression? It can even help to record yourself having a conversation and listen to it later.
If you're starting your sentences with phrases like “I think/feel”, or “You did/said” and “You made me feel”. Using sentences that being with ‘I’ invites other people to communicate with us, but sentences that begin with ‘You’ tend to make the other person feel blamed and back off from connecting. And if you aren’t sure you're being understood – ask!
Start trying to understand yourself for a change; the more you understand yourself, the more clearly you can present yourself to others, the more they can understand you. Make lists of what you like and what you don’t like. Notice what things actually make you happy during a normal day versus what things you assume should make you happy. 
Get rid of your "victim" mentality! There can be something very addictive about feeling misunderstood. It can become your identity, something that can make you feel special and give you the chance to feel sorry for yourself non stop. In other words, it gives you an excuse to always play the victim.
What would happen if you decided that actually you are responsible for your own life and could choose to find people who want to understand you? Wouldn’t it be worth trading in the benefits of victimhood (self-pity, others’ attention) for the benefits of being understood?
At the end of the day, if you aren’t offering others understanding, why would they then offer it to you? Take a good look at your listening skills. Are you taking in what others say without interrupting? Do you accept their opinions, or are you constantly offering them unwanted advice? Do you ask them thoughtful questions about what they said, or just jump in with a story all about you that relates to what they said?
The truth is that we all are unique, with our own way of seeing the world. It’s simply not possibly for someone to understand you entirely, or for you to understand someone else entirely. The only person who can understand you entirely is you.
If we want to be understood by others we need to believe that we deserve to be understood. And for that we need a sense of self-esteem. Make a commitment to notice and challenge the inner critic in your head. Start noticing the good things about yourself. And when someone offers you a compliment, don’t brush it off, accept it as fact. Not easy for some of us to do, but well worth a try.
Do look after yourself, and each other.

Monday 19 January 2015

Lowdown Funk

That's it
Might seem cold
Not being shy for
I'm right bold
This one's for ya good dude
From the hood dude
Straight up ya see
Lyin', while in
your company it's a pity
Guy chucks up when your around
Gotta run ya don't smell so pretty

Ya got rot (hot damn)
Like a stink bomb stuck to an old bin man
Ya got rot (hot damn)
Like fresh dog crap it's a sin, man
Ya got rot (hot damn)
You know ya name so make a plan
Ya got rot (hot damn)
It's bad 'ya smell so funny
Break it down

Breath hits ya halitosis (pooo)
Breath hits ya halitosis (pooo)
Breath hits ya halitosis (pooo)
Ya Lowdown Funk won't give it to ya,
'Cos Lowdown Funk won't give it to ya,
'Cos Lowdown Funk won't give it to ya,
Saturday night and we're in a spot
Don't come near me, just wash (Come on)

Don't come near me, just wash

Don't come near me, just wash
Don't come near me, just wash
Don't come near me, just wash
Don't come near me, just wash
Hey, hey, hey, oh!

Stop
Wait a minute
Ya stink things up melt a candle with it
Take a whiff, just to check
Julio! Get that stench!
Gotta warn 'em, really should, hey son it's a pity
If you show up, we gon' ship out
Quicker than the kangaroo Skippy

Ya got rot (hot damn)
Like a stink bomb stuck to an old bin man
Ya got rot (hot damn)
Like fresh dog crap it's a sin, man
Ya got rot (hot damn)
You know ya name so make a plan
Ya got rot (hot damn)
It's bad 'ya smell so funny
Break it down

Breath hits ya halitosis (pooo)
Breath hits ya halitosis (pooo)
Breath hits ya halitosis (pooo)
Ya Lowdown Funk won't give it to ya,
'Cos Lowdown Funk won't give it to ya,
'Cos Lowdown Funk won't give it to ya,
Saturday night and we're in a spot
Don't come near me, just wash (Come on)

Don't come near me, just wash

Don't come near me, just wash
Don't come near me, just wash
Don't come near me, just wash
Don't come near me, just wash
Hey, hey, hey, oh!

Before we leave
Let me tell y'all a lil' something
Lowdown Funk jus' sucks, Lowdown Funk jus' sucks,
Lowdown Funk jus' sucks, Lowdown Funk jus' sucks,
I said ya Lowdown Funk jus' sucks, Lowdown Funk jus' sucks,
Lowdown Funk just sucks, Lowdown Funk just sucks

Take a, chance
Get on it
If you smelly we'll taunt it
If you stinky then own it
Don't brag about it, disown me
Take a, chance
Get on it
If you smelly we'll taunt it
Well it's Saturday night and we're in a spot
Don't come near me, just wash (come on)

Don't come near me, just wash

Don't come near me, just wash
Don't come near me, just wash
Don't come near me, just wash
Don't come near me, just wash
Hey, hey, hey, oh!

Lowdown Funk jus' sucks, Lowdown Funk jus' sucks, (say whaa?!)
Lowdown Funk jus' sucks, Lowdown Funk jus' sucks,
Lowdown Funk jus' sucks, Lowdown Funk jus' sucks, (say whaa?!)
Lowdown Funk jus' sucks, Lowdown Funk jus' sucks,
Lowdown Funk jus' sucks, Lowdown Funk jus' sucks, (say whaa?!)
Lowdown Funk jus' sucks, Lowdown Funk jus' sucks,
Lowdown Funk jus' sucks, Lowdown Funk jus' sucks, (say whaa?!)
Lowdown Funk jus' sucks
Aaaaaaow!

Thursday 15 January 2015

Surviving the Storms

I'm sure I'm not the only one who was awoken, and kept awake, last night by the terrible rampaging wind. Thankfully a can of air freshener was close at hand. Only joking of course, I was actually talking about the meteorological kind. All the wheelie bins in the street sounded like they were all making a bid for freedom, not to mention that fact that a few times the loft sounded like it was actually inflating and about to take off. It was certainly a wild and wooly one.

The thing is, storms do hit us occasionally, and not just literally. Quite often we also suffer from sudden storms of stress that seemingly come out of nowhere and hit us like a bomb. So what can we do to get through these stress storms when they strike?

First of all, we can start labelling our worrying thoughts as, “not useful”. Worrying never gets us anwhere. In my 41 years of intense worrying, not a single worry has ever improved my life and has often given birth to more worry, more anxiety, more paranoia, and kept me from the more helpful thoughts. 

By labeling a thought “not useful” you put distance between you and the thought that has invaded your brain. The more you label, the greater the distance eventually becomes. Sadly we all know that won't stop us worrying altogether, but it does give us a bit of breathing space.

You could try thinking from under your left elbow. (Bare with me here!) I don’t know what you'd call this technique but it does help. Just concentrate on the area of skin under your left elbow (or any other innocuous part of your body). Initially your brain will freak out and start yelling “wait a second! Get back up here! I’m worrying about things up here!!”. But if you keep breathing and thinking right underneath your left elbow, it can actually reduce stress, all be it temporarily. Sometimes that is enough to get your brain in gear to be able to deal with whatever it is.

Another thing you could try is plain old fashioned surrender. Generally speaking life will never throw anything at us that we can’t handle. So just surrender to whatever it is, take a deep breath and crack on. Deep down we know we will be able to handle whatever it is, if we remain calm and don’t succumb to the worry. Life will usually help us out, even if it seems at the time that there’s no way out. Look for the lessons in what you are going through. Surrender to those lessons and to the fact that you will learn much more in this particular class before it’s over.

Physically you could try tensing up. Just tense every muscle in your body for five seconds. Then relax. You just put your body in fight or flight mode. Then relaxed it. You will feel less stress. Then move on to having a great big stretch. Just hold your hands above your head and stretch as high and wide as possible, even going on the balls of your feet. Then take a deep breath, hold it . . . and exhale. Then lean a bit to the left, lean a bit to the right, and finally lean forward, all the way down, bend your knees, shake your head, take another deep breath, and then slowly come back as you exhale. (Although if you do try this, you might want to be somewhere discreet, if you try it in the middle of the office you might get some funny looks).

Just breathing is always useful. Inhale for 20 seconds. Hold for 20 seconds. Exhale for 20 seconds. Hold for 20 seconds. Rest a bit. Then repeat. Do that four times. Your body goes into into survival mode when we do this and we can’t stress out when your oxygen is being messed up. It’s another temporary fix but it does work.